Cranium of an addict

I am an addict. I’ve finally owned up to the fact of my addiction and succumbed to the actuality of my past, present and possibly my future. It brings me peace though that I am not alone in this; almost everyone I know is in this with me. Thinking of who to rule out of this horrid circle, no one really comes instantly to my mind… not even after giving it a few seconds.

What kind of society are we to judge people with addictions as outcasts and perverts from the righteous way we allegedly lead. We are all addicts… I am an addict.

Looking back through memory lane, the memories I cherish, those I shudder when recalled, those in a blind spot intentionally or by accident the picture becomes clearer. How many times have I been through something thinking to myself that this would be the last time to do that? How many times have you done that? Lied thinking it was only this time, betrayed someone for the first and last time…probably wasn’t. That moment you decide that someone was inferior to yourself and deserved to take the bullet instead of you, how about take a bullet in the first place, what if I’m talking here about an actual bullet. How many times did we decide to stand in the way of justice, fairness, equality just for once? How is this any different from someone who thought he’d try crack or heroine for the first time? Just this once… only this time. The difference is someone who tries drugs will probably continue to stroll down this path and you won’t, but what if your drug is your personal interest, or power or just you the center of the universe.

The problem with our ego is power, we are overrated creatures. We think we actually have indefinite power over ourselves and self restraint without believing in order to get to that point we need to work mentally, psychologically and spiritually to get there. So as an addict as yourself I ask you this, how many times did you go through something telling yourself if you wanted to stop yourself you were totally capable of it? How many times did you think you’ll cheat just this once and if you really wanted to depend on yourself and study you’ll ace the damn thing? How many times you thought I don’t want to stop this now (this being any sort of habit or act smoking, drinking, drugs, procrastination, cheating, lying) but if I really did I could, and I would. You can’t and you wouldn’t, because you are an addict. You and I give ourselves too much credit in how powerful we are without proving it ever. We’ve both never tested our power over ourselves and self control, but we actually assume it’s there. IPSO FACTO. 

A drug addict overrates himself and his ego feeds his false empowerment over the situation, thinking at any given time if he wanted to stop, he will summon his imaginary power over his self destructive ego and do the impossible. Control the uncontrollable and reach for what has clearly become out of his league, he takes a leap of faith armed by weaponry that’s never been tried before. It’s Russian roulette with a cylinder full of bullets.

My fellow addict what are we without comparison. Think of the way addicts view their peers aka other addicts. Now all we see when we look at them is how bad they have it, how far they are into their addictions, how stupid they are for upping their doses, for changing their drug or whatever our judgment can reach. Now in the gruesome process of tearing each and every addict apart by our judgment, how many times do you stop and judge your own addiction? How many times have you doubted the logic and intentions of another person and created a blind spot to your own? How many times did you glorify your mistakes as lessons learned and other people’s mistakes as deal breakers? How many times did you go easy on yourself and tear someone else apart by comparison. Yes my dear fellow, we are addicts… we just don’t own up to it.

Addiction is all around me; it’s grown on me and those in my surroundings. I see people who are addicted to their own comfort zones and wellbeing putting aside how many people they are stepping on. I see addicts to stupidity and blind hearts that turn away for all the wrong doings around just because it’s only this time, or because in comparison the others seem to deserve it. I see addicts to mainstream society, media, work, art just because it’ll get them somewhere, somewhere meaningless.  I see addicts to justice, but how far will they go… how high will they rise above their egos to get the absolute high??

Utopia literally means NOWHERE. So where are all the sober people? They’ve all moved to Utopia.

“I AM AN ADDICT.” You should say it.