the initiative

I can start by saying why am i doing this and why is this so important and how i want this to be taken seriously and bla bla bla bla bla...but actually i have no clue and this is the reason for my title...this blog is so irrelevent and so meaningless from anyone's point of view but maybe things that start that way so aimless and undefined are the things that seize to amaze us and change us in this so called journey we have to take.
I'm not even thinking when im typing i just am....and this is why my hands are just hitting these letters as i go INITIATIVE.By definition is the power or ability to begin or to follow through energitically with a plan or a task. So according to definition i never ever ever took an initiative all through my life. I never started something or followed through with it and i really don't know what that makes me. Maybe an aimless person??? guilty..An air head??? not guilty... i don't know what intiatives i want to take in life but all i do know is what i don't want to start with or follow through with so i guess that is a step..am i right??? So i think that my "initiative" journey starts here... with a blog about nonsense and i guess i'll see where this goes and maybe one day i'll be able to take more serious intitatives. Isn't it crazy though how we always tend to mark our calenders on a certain date or a certain event that will be the beginnig of initiatives... like new years's resolution...your birthday..that time you saw your ex..and u promise yourself that maybe this year you'll quit smoking...lose weight..be less of an asshole...never look like that again...whatever it is. And then a year later guess what? you smoke three packs a day..gained weight and had another break up and a far worse melt down and a bigger asshole than ever? So isn't really one day at a time small steps really the way to go other than making these huge promises and just take a one way ticket to depression and the "here we go again!!" guilt?? why do we take intiatives and hope for the best, why not just hope for the best as you go?? i always thought that old chinese people are wise i think it has something to do with the very narrow eyes and white long hair and that very gentle yet strong voice that adds that.. so anyway the chinese proverb says: "It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward." So i guess i just take in mind what an old chinese person said over a probably middle class, ivy leauge. boring. stuck in a cubicle, about to commit suicide scholar writing definitions in a dictionary...because face it the chinese have civilization and they are still going strong with this philosophy. So have fun one step at a time.
As an initaitive im starting guitar lessons pretty soon hopefully and we'll see how that goes. My friend who is teaching me already bought me my first pick ever and it glows in the dark so im expecting one hell of a ride...but again one step at a time